LipstickandBruises

i got this feeling tonight, that something was finally in place. i don't really know what it was, but i felt like i was more than a little girl. anyway i still like to lick the cake batter off of spoons. i found this old picture that seemed to have strayed from it's original album. it was water-stained and marked with age, but you could still make out the picture it was me, six years old and sitting at the table in that apron grandma made me i was smiling too, which wasn't very surprising. i was pleased from day one. you learn to trust in things whether or not they've let you down, it's a good reason to pull in tighter or point the bl

we are all bad people at some point in time. we've all been found at our worst, or will be before we wither and die. so it's pointless to claim yourself a saint and to condemn others. i have recognized my own stains, and as terrible as they look on paper, i have repented and promise to all that is good, that i will never again repeat them. but as i have been told, reflection is key, and i've been searching for the key for quite sometime. now that i've felt the wear and tear of being a backup girl, i could never play with someone's heart again. it makes me nautious to even think that i ever thought what i was doing was humane.  to me, he was t

we were talking, you and i, about fate and chance. i'd never really felt inclined to speak to anyone about that subject because i'd always realized that every current situation is not able to be altered. but today, on the drive there, we talked of 'what ifs' and 'whys'. of course, the conversation ended in an accepting tone, and we decided it's a wonderful thing to be a part of chance.  but really, i considered in my mind, the most secretive place. if i had never met you, where would i be? i mean, right now. it would still be 85 degrees outside on a wednesday night. those things cannot be changed. i then dismissed the thought again, for the s

now, in the event that we stay stationary and my little heart gives up, i see myself in a hospital ward, and you peering in, hardly brave enough to make eye contact or shape any of few words from your mouth. i realize it is highly unlikely that any of this could happen, but these are breeding grounds for mosquitoes, still waters that we are lying in. on the other side of my mind, i am playing with the idea that your heart may remember what's important. that it may start analyzing the greater good. but you are like me. you change your mind like the weather patterns. too frequent to aid you in decision making, which i have always considered a p

i swear to you that it's going to get easier with time we'll be able to laugh again and you will forgive yourself of sin so hush, let it pass, don't move i swear to you that it's going to get better you'll be able to look me in the eyes and your mouth will speak no more lies so hush, let it pass, just breathe i swear to you that we'll make it through if this is love than you will remain forever pardoned from the stains so hush, let it pass, be brave and when the feelings get too strong then we can always pray to God to hold us up because we've made it through the violent storm that made us new and when you're cracking under pr

i've heard people lie to the ones they love, but they never get away with it. i don't even know where to begin, what to say to try and show you how i feel. i've always been a bit skeptical when it comes to refering feelings directly to the heart. all my pain has been centralled in my brain and i've never quite understood the meaning of a broken heart. now i do. it's this intense and awful feeling right in your heart and you honestly feel like death is nextdoor and you've no chance at life. being that i understand that now, i feel blind and used. i feel unwanted and cheap. i feel grateful. for some reason i can hold my arms open and give a sec

yesterday, my mom called the hospital to arrange her surgeory and she was asked if she wanted a private or semi-private room. the private room cost 44 dollars more a day than the semi-private room. she told my dad that a semi-private room would be fine, but then he insisted on a private room for her. he's buying her a pearl necklace for valentines day. they are in love. last night was robin's seventeenth birthday party. we went out for chinese food at this small and very modest place. we all decorated our corner with birthday stuff. everyone was drawing on the paper table cloth we brought along, so i drew a face on robin's hand. then i flippe

and son, what does that say when you can speak your words clearer when you've downed a few drinks you're tone is much more sincere don't you question nature when it casts your shadow downward when a person reads your color like a skipping record it's really not a pretty sunset when you see the color of regret mixed up in our perception of beauty that we have twisted to some degree life holds problems in it's extremeties coming across them like a desert horizon or a painting of a girl like me slightly off, roughly drawn and son, what does that say when you steal my glances away when you plan it all out to put my portrait on